Lately, Hawai’i’s billionaires have been getting a lot of attention.
From buying an entire island (Larry Ellison) to donating money to rebuild Lahaina (Oprah Winfrey) to building an underground bunker on land where he tried to steal native people’s rights (Mark Zuckerberg), the rightness/wrongness of these people’s actions are hotly debated. Even here in my hometown, there is quite a debate about the intentions of our local billionaire (Marc Benioff). It has sparked a lot of discussion at our dinner table.
Which brings me to two very important thoughts.
First, there is a major difference between the knowing/doing gap and the doing/being gap.
The knowing/doing gap is significant. Culturally, we criticize anyone who creates this gap. There is a collective responsibility to turn what we know into what we do. We inject the phrase, “you know better” into corrective feedback. We even have a formal term for knowing what to do but not doing it: a sin of omission.
But it has occurred to me that knowing/doing is secondary to doing/being.
Let me explain.
While what we do is important, who we are is the bedrock that action extends from. When anyone – wealthy or not – does something “good” for the wrong reasons, do we really credit that behavior? Think of the company who makes a public donation while they are investigated for criminal behaviors. Or the celebrity who makes a loud speech about climate change while flying in their private jet afterwards. Or even the relative who apologizes for getting too drunk at a family gathering while continuing to drink heavily.
It can get pretty dark quickly.
With that said, I don’t want to make this about having some sort of magical radar that tracks everyone’s intentions. That would be both exhausting and unrealistic (no matter how many Reddit threads are dedicated to such topics).
Rather, I would simply like to hold up the mirror. For myself first. Feel free to hold your own.
Which leads me to the second important thought…
There is a distinct difference between personality and character. We are born with personality. We learn character. Yes, our personality preferences shape the character traits we adopt, but fundamentally, they are two separate aspects of this thing we call Self.
For example, my personality may love being in the spotlight. My character will determine if my drive produces entertainment or narcissism. Or my personality may enjoy working in silence. My character will determine if my preference will generate effectiveness or withdrawal.
As I look around me, I see a tremendous over-emphasis being placed on personality – and a drastic under-emphasis on character.
Our most well-known names are famous for being… famous. Being an “influencer” has become a career. Whatever generates attention is good, no matter how false the narrative may be. Until it’s exposed. Cancel culture kicks in. The famous are shamed and ostracized. Then we go find some other personality to elevate.
And I certainly know I am guilty of making these judgements.
I am guilty of externalizing my ideals. Of projecting them on to others. Even while not being as disciplined to the standard I am idolizing.
And the irony is this… I “know better.”
It’s called a character flaw for a reason.
And this is my realization. If I allow my personality (which is naturally drawn to idealism) to run freely, I can justify any behavior I choose. Because I’m just being “me.” I’m being “authentic.” I’m being “real.” And I open the door to some shady behavior.
But if I switch it to a question of character, I can stay true to my sense of Self while elevating my Self at the same time. I can truly be the best version of my Self.
My doing/being gap gets smaller and smaller. And my own personal sense of purpose gets stronger and stronger. There is less criticism rattling around in my own head and more focused, positive action instead.
My doing/being journey becomes fuel for what I seek to know. Which then fuels my knowing/doing experience.
All because of my character. All because I am intentionally shaping my Self against a defined set of values that builds me up and benefits others.
If I may, I suggest that we could extend this line of reasoning to similar contemplations that I have offered before.
If our personality craves competence, let us strive for doing our best with character – not the endless search for success.
If our personality craves relationship, let us strive for loving ourselves with character – not the endless search for significance.
If our personality craves autonomy, let us strive for trusting the journey with character – not the endless search for control.
What a lovely world that would be…
Holomua. Onward and upward.
All the best ~ Tim
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